We won't sleep together?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
