Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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