his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We got so high we made milksteak
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
