Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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