he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
