he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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