Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
