hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
