i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
