how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need water and some morals
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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