I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
