windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
