i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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