I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
