You're earring is so big in my mouth
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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