Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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