I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
