You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Randomize
