We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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