To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
