If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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