Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
