just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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