either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You smell like stripper and shame
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
