Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Damn victory sex feels great
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
