I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
