hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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