You're a womanizer and a bitch.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
