Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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