remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
