the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
