I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
