Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
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