"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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