Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
