"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
