he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
