trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
