She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
