Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
