Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
