im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
