guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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