So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
