i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
