I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ketchup is God's man juice
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
