first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
