There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
be right there i have to get my cape
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
