so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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