connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
